LELB Society’s Student: Mohsen
The bar chart below demonstrates the estimated percentage of car trips happened((taken)) by male drivers and female drivers((male and female drivers)) for a variety of purpose((purposes)) (courses, visiting town, bank, Running Errands((running errands)), visiting friends, recreation, work, shopping((and shopping))).
Overall, female drivers had((took / made)) more car trips (five columns((rows)) of bar chart((the bar chart))) then((than)) male drivers (three columns of bar chart). First of all, both male drivers and female drivers had most percentage car trips((the highest percentage of car trips)) of the work((on the way to work)). Whereas((Nevertheless)), male and female drivers had least percentage car trips((the lowest percentage of car trips)) of((for)) visiting town.
In term of((In terms of)) work men drivers had 52 percent car trips as opposed((as opposed to – It’s better to write: in comparison to)) women drivers had((who had)) 39 percent car trips. after((After — Not a good conjunction here, it’s better to use: moreover)) that, women driver((drivers)) had more car trips on((for)) shopping than men drivers (around 18 percent and10((and 10)) percent respectively). Similarly, women drivers and men drivers((women and men drivers)) of car trips were almost the same((took almost the same percentage of car trips)) on((for)) bank and running errands (about 10 percent and 3 percent respectively). Visiting town and recreation were important((much / far more important)) for men. So men drivers of car trips were considerable increase((considerably higher or more)) than female drivers of car trips. on((On)) the other hand, women drivers of car trips on visiting friends and courses were more than men drivers of car trips.
- Visual Data Analysis:
- Lexical Resources (18 of 25%)
- Task Achievement (23 of 25%)
- Coherence and Cohesion (17 of 25%)
- You should use more conjunctions.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy (12 of 25%)
- Word Count: “193” Great!