Log in

IELTS Essay on Advertisement with Full Essay + Feedback

Published on November 23rd, 2022 | Last updated on November 25th, 2022 by | Category: IELTS Essay Writing Practice | 4 Comments on IELTS Essay on Advertisement with Full Essay + Feedback | 135 Views | Reading Time: 5 minutes

IELTS essay on advertisement with full essay submitted to us by LELB Society members and students with thorough analysis. Join LELB Society students and members and submit your English and Persian essays to us for scoring and correction. We will analyze your essays carefully and correct your errors or mistakes.

IELTS essay question on advertisement

Some businessmen and businesswomen believe that advertising your services and products is even more important than raising their quality. However, some entrepreneurs have an opposite idea.

Which factor do you consider to be more important in business, advertisement or quality improvement? Give reasons to support your claim.

IELTS essay on advertisement

Advertisement or quality improvement; which one is more important in a business? This question has been discussed for a long time and for sure it is a controversial one. Some say advertisement and commercials lead to a huger success meanwhile many others believe the opposite. The thing is that both are equally important in marketing business, in fact it is a mutual matter.

  1. Meanwhile is not a good conjunction to show contrast.
  2. … business. In fact, it it …
  3. Mutual matter does not make a common collocation. Two-sided is a better alternative.

If the advertisement is highly qualified that enhance customers’ expectancy, you should consider quality of product too because it will soon disappoint them and it would be a negative point to your business and marketing, besides, customers would think that they have been deceived. Sure you do not want that to happen. Yet if the products are highly qualified but not really good advertisement, it could take years to attach people’s attention; since advertisement leads the business in 21th century. So both should be considered and be worked on.

  1. advertisement
  2. Qualified is used for humans.
  3. enhances
  4. you should also consider the quality of your product(s)
  5. Besides,
  6. not appropriately advertised (it refers to products)
  7. attract
  8. the 21st
  9. Omit the second ‘be’.

Advertisement is much more important,” many think this way. Celebrities, especially the famous ones, are a top choice in advertising process. You can charge them in a fifteen second commercial and see the huge request for the product. Or the more creative and brilliant and new is the advertisement it has the higher chance to leads to a bigger attention. Although if the quality is no good, it will take no time to collapse the amount of customers. Bad comments from everywhere.

  1. Charge or pay? Ask me in the comment form if you have any question, but ‘charge’ means to ask for money in return for a service.
  2. Or the more …. = The whole part is ungrammatical and hence ambiguous. Did you mean the more creative and brilliant advertisement is, the more attention it can draw, or something like this? More clarification could be obtained in the comment form as requested.
  3. lead
  4. Do not use ‘although and if’ one after each other.
  5. is not
  6. Collapse is an intransitive verb.
  7. The last part is not an independent sentence. You could write: That could be interpreted as bad comments from everywhere.

Highly quality and quality improvement is not a thing to be set aside. I can suggest that put your 35 to 40 percent of your attention and energy on quality improvement and 60 to 65 percent on advertisement.

  1. High quality
  2. are
  3. things / factors
  4. suggest you put / suggest you should put

One should not forget that advertisement is much like showcase of a shop. It must be fancy to attach the attentions then we will get to the other things inside.

  1. Start your conclusion with a good conjunction.
  2. attention
  3. This paragraph does not seem to support your topic sentence in your introductory paragraph when you wrote on the equal importance of the 2 factors. It seems advertisement is more important to you!

Analysis and scoring

  • Analysis
    • You’re using more conjunctions this time, which is good news.
  • Cohesion and coherence: 19 of 25%
  • Grammatical range and accuracy: 13 of 25%
  • Lexical resources: 17 of 25%
  • Task achievement: 17 of 25%
  • Spelling: Good
  • Punctuation: Fair
  • Word Count: “302 Words” Excellent
  • Time on Essay Writing: “50 Min” In your real exam, you only have 40 minutes.
  • Band score: 6 of 9

4 comments on “IELTS Essay on Advertisement with Full Essay + Feedback”

  1. Advertisement or quality improvement; which one is more important in a business? This question has been discussed for a long time and for sure it is a controversial one. Some say advertisement and commercials lead to a huger success meanwhile many others believe the opposite. The thing is that both are equally important in marketing business, in fact it is a mutual matter.

    If the advertisement is highly qualified that enhance customers’ expectancy, you should consider quality of product too because it will soon disappoint them and it would be a negative point to your business and marketing, besides, customers would think that they have been deceived. Sure you do not want that to happen. Yet if the products are highly qualified but not really good advertisement, it could take years to attach people’s attention; since advertisement leads the business in 21th century. So both should be considered and be worked on.

    “Advertisement is much more important,” many think this way. Celebrities, especially the famous ones, are a top choice in advertising process. You can charge them in a fifteen second commercial and see the huge request for the product. Or the more creative and brilliant and new is the advertisement it has the higher chance to leads to a bigger attention. Although if the quality is no good, it will take no time to collapse the amount of customers. Bad comments from everywhere.

    Highly quality and quality improvement is not a thing to be set aside. I can suggest that put your 35 to 40 percent of your attention and energy on quality improvement and 60 to 65 percent on advertisement.

    One should not forget that advertisement is much like showcase of a shop. It must be fancy to attach the attentions then we will get to the other things inside.

Leave a Comment

Chat