Log in
Home  »  IELTS Essay Writing Practice   »   IELTS Essay on Role of Education with Analysis & Scoring

IELTS Essay on Role of Education with Analysis & Scoring

Last updated on September 23, 2023 by in IELTS Essay Writing Practice Category with 2 Comments on IELTS Essay on Role of Education with Analysis & Scoring, 382 Views and Reading Time: 6 minutes

IELTS essay on role of education at school with a complete essay written and submitted to us by LELB Society’s students. Join our online academy and send us your essays for thorough analysis and scoring.

Watch this video on essay on role of education

IELTS essay question on role of education at school

Since the role of education is to make children more prepared for the modern world, some people believe that schools should remove less important courses such as art and music and give precedence to more useful subjects like medicine or information technology in their curriculums.

To what extent do you agree on this argument?

IELTS essay on role of education

It is apparent to almost every person on this planet that education and going to school have a great impact on children’s future. Moreover, in the 21st century jobs such as medicine and engineering have usually more income. Therefore, some people assume these subjects are more valued and subjects such as music and art should be less involved in students’ curriculums which I don’t entirely agree with.

  1. do not
  2. You have not brought any reason why you disagree over the question in your topic sentence.

Firstly it is evident that subjects such as mathematics and physics are necessary to sustain life and they prepare children for having a better job but that is not all of the case. If all of the curricula of students consist of theoretical matters, they will become tired very soon and their brain stops functioning properly. Furthermore, this theoretical system of schools is one of the reasons that children find school so frustrating and boring. More into that, mathematics, comparisons, and rough estimates are guided by the left hemisphere of the brain. However, the right half of the brain is responsible for creativity, art, and intuition. As a result, the children’s schedule must contain both of these matters to state a balance in students’ minds and souls. This would certainly have an impact on their mental status too, for that music and art can bring kids together and helps them create something and free their minds and attention of all those regulations.

  1. that is not always the case (as far as I know)
  2. This paragraph is rather too long.
  3. consisted of = Use conditional sentences Type 2 to show an unreal situation.
  4. They = the students, because the subject of the previous clause is the curricula and not the students.
  5. will become = would become
  6. Theoretical system = not a very accurate phrase because medicine and IT are not limited to theory. They could be quite experimental and practical as well. Art could also be even more theoretical and subjective, in comparison.
  7. More into that = It’s not a formal conjunction, and I’d not seen it before in other essays. It’s not suitable for formal essays.
  8. Children’s schedule
  9. state a balance = keep / maintain a balance
  10. for that = “for”, which is a coordinating conjunctions and means because
  11. helps = help
  12. those regulations = which regulations? better to say: unimportant, unnecessary, insignificant regulations

Secondly, studies show that we have 9 types of intelligence and we cannot expect that all humans be talented in math and biology. Some kids show great passion and talent for music and painting or acting. In addition, this program to conclude art in students’ study plan can come truly handy to help students find their natural talent and passion and help them find a reason to enjoy life more.

  1. Kids = young children (too informal)
  2. music, painting, acting, etc. / music, painting and/or acting
  3. study plan = lesson plan, curriculum, syllabus
  4. this program which includes art … conclude vs. include
  5. help students find = redundant and should be omitted

Overall we cannot hide the fact that the world and living are just all about medicine and mathematics and all children must continue their education in that fields. A school system containing art and music will help children enjoy school more and it activates the right half of their brain as well. That is why it is important that we consider the fact that art and music are essentials in children’s lives and should be a part of their curriculum.

  1. I wonder why you have not used the term information technology as mentioned in the essay question, and used mathematics several times instead.
  2. those fields
  3. essentials in = essential for / to

Analysis and scoring

  • Analysis
    • Your essay is rather too long. You could use fewer words but write a more organized essay, especially your topic sentence.
  • Cohesion and coherence: 20 of 25%
  • Grammatical range and accuracy: 15 of 25%
  • Lexical resources: 17 of 25%
  • Task achievement: 18 of 25%
  • Spelling: Good
  • Punctuation: Average
  • Word Count: “379 Words” –
  • Time on Essay Writing: “ 40 Minutes” – Excellent
  • Band score: 6.5 of 9

About Armaghan Houshmand

Armaghan Houshmand is an enthusiastic twenty-year-old student who is passionate about art, music, cinema, languages and literature. She can speak Persian and English fluently. She is currently working on her writing skills and her French and German.

View All 26 Posts by this Author »

We respond to all comments immediately. View the 30 newest comments and new topics in forums, or create a new topic in forums. You can also contact us to leave voice messages.

2 comments on “IELTS Essay on Role of Education with Analysis & Scoring”

  1. It is apparent to almost every person on this planet that education and going to school have a great impact on children’s future. Moreover, in the 21st century jobs such as medicine and engineering have usually more income. Therefore, some people assume these subjects are more valued and subjects such as music and art should be less involved in students’ curriculums which I don’t entirely agree with.

    Firstly it is evident that subjects such as mathematics and physics are necessary to sustain life and they prepare children for having a better job but that is not all of the case. If all of the curricula of students consist of theoretical matters, they will become tired very soon and their brain stops functioning properly. Furthermore, this theoretical system of schools is one of the reasons that children find school so frustrating and boring. More into that, mathematics, comparisons, and rough estimates are guided by the left hemisphere of the brain. However, the right half of the brain is responsible for creativity, art, and intuition. As a result, the children’s schedule must contain both of these matters to state a balance in students’ minds and souls. This would certainly have an impact on their mental status too, for that music and art can bring kids together and helps them create something and free their minds and attention of all those regulations.

    Secondly, studies show that we have 9 types of intelligence and we cannot expect that all humans be talented in math and biology. Some kids show great passion and talent for music and painting or acting. In addition, this program to conclude art in students’ study plan can come truly handy to help students find their natural talent and passion and help them find a reason to enjoy life more.

    Overall we cannot hide the fact that the world and living are just all about medicine and mathematics and all children must continue their education in that fields. A school system containing art and music will help children enjoy school more and it activates the right half of their brain as well. That is why it is important that we consider the fact that art and music are essentials in children’s lives and should be a part of their curriculum.

    Time spent on writing: 40 minutes.

    • Thank you for submitting your IELTS essay to us for analysis on the role of education. It will be evaluated before you next online class.

Leave a Comment