IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 4
Writing Task
- Topic: Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best, these methods are ineffective, and at worst, they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
- We have 5 essayists in this session, so each paragraph should consist of approximately 60 words.
- The first essayist should compose the introductory paragraph.
- The second essayist should write a supporting paragraph mainly to give additional information about alternative forms of medicine without taking any firm position to the central idea.
- The third essayist should develop another supporting paragraph, in either agreement or disagreement with the central idea (you are free to choose).
- The forth essayist must necessarily oppose the third essayist in another independent supporting paragraph.
- The fifth (last) essayist should summarize the entire essay in one paragraph.
Paragraph on alternative medicine
Nowadays, there is such a voracious appetite toward other forms of medical substances that is increasing the controversy around their medical aspects. Whilst many do believe and advocate the application of such materials, a vast majority of not only people but also scientists refute the idea. A great number of opponents of not applicating non-medical substances constantly blame the supporters of ideas of deceiving others financially and spreading superstitions unconsciously.
As a concluding remark, it is worth emphasizing the belief that nature has the cure and treatment of every illness but this is people who should find its keys and secrets. There is a general hopefulness which illustrates that by the application of technologies and science, mysteries of every natural material and element could be discovered which not only prevents the spreading of the misconceptions but also facilitates the developments of the scientific knowledge and medical treatments.
I suppose ===> It is worth + Noun (gerund)
Thank you.
Very attentive of you!
Hi. I am not sure but I think you should use a comma after “remark” on the first line and the another mistake is “materials” on the third line. Please consider changing the materials to the singular form because you already used “every” and after that, you should use a singular noun.
Thank you for your corrections.
You’re most welcome.
Excellent!
Your attention is literally praiseworthy!
It’s kind of you. Thank you very much.
You’re so welcome.
Well-done! Thank you.
1. Line 4. the development of (singular)
Fantastic, clear, and convincing.
On the other side, alternative medicines are not risk-free; they can do more harm than good if taken without having the details of their effects on the body. People might abuse natural medicines the same way as they do synthetic drugs. They have the misconception that if unconventional medicine consists of herbal products which are natural, then there is no harm done if they triple the dosage, or more.
You’re making progress! Thank you.
1. Line 1, the use of a semicolon is not really appropriate. At least, it’s better to use a conjunction.
2. It’s better to say: there is no harm in tripling the …
Thank you so much. I will consider them.
It’s my pleasure.
Nevertheless, nobody can close his/her eyes to the benefits of alternative medicines which have been harvested so far. To exemplify this vantage point, gone are the days in which people were well-fed and their diet incorporated meat, dairy products, grains, etc. So, in this era, using herbal approaches could compensate for the deficiencies. Another example which merits consideration is that touch has been always one of main factors for healing a chronic disease and many believe that touch could alleviate most of agonizing pains. Therefore, alternative medicines have some advantages which cannot be denied comprehensively.
Hi. I think you should put “the” before “main” on the fourth line and also before “agonizing” on the fifth line.
Thanks for your activeness.
You are right about Line 4.
About Line 5, not necessarily because it could be put in an indefinite way.
Thanks a lot.
Anytime! My pleasure.
Great job!
1. Despite being clear, I guess “dietary/nutritional deficiencies” is better.
2. It’s better to say: “one of the main factors” for …
Nowadays, there is such a voracious appetite toward other forms of medical substances that is increasing the controversy around their medical aspects. Whilst many do believe and advocate the application of such materials, a vast majority of not only people but also scientists refute the idea.
Now you have to talk about these topics :D
deceiving others financially
Hi. Would you please consider “applicating” in the third line? I think it is wrong and should be changed to application.
Unfortunately, I could not edit my correction. I think it is better to write applying instead of the application that I mentioned.
I’ve set this comment form in a way that each participant can edit his/her comments only within 24 hours, for security reasons.
Excellent! You’re doing a great job. I admire your attention.
Thank you so much.
You’re welcome.
1. appetite for
2. “applicate”, we don’t have such a verb, perhaps “applying”??
3. Your turn in this collaborative writing task required you to give additional information about alternative medicine, yet you mainly focused on people’s various viewpoints, and not the real essence of alternative medicine is all about.
Towards
That’s right. Reza has used “whilst”, which is the British equivalent to “while”. Therefore, he should be consistent and use “towards”.
The last sentence is really confusing semantically.
I have the same idea. The principle of clarity has not been adequately practiced.
Although, alternative medicine is used by a significant percentage of the population notably cancer therapy but it is not the same as experimental medicine. Alternative medicine is not based on scientific knowledge. In fact, alternative medicine consists of a wide variety of therapies ranging from those are ineffective, to those with known harmful and toxic effects.
Correct :consists a wide variety of…
Thanks for trying to correct your own comment, yet “consist of” is the correct form as a phrasal verb.
Hi. “But” at the first line should be vanished because of the structure of although.
That`s right, thank you.
I could not edit my work too.
I’ve set this comment form in a way that each participant can edit his/her comments only within 24 hours, for security reasons.
It is impossible when we log out and back again to correct even after 1 minute.
Unfortunately, you cannot edit your comments. Instead, you can reply to your own comment and make some correction in this way.
Bravo!
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Note: “Vanish” is an intransitive verb and it does not need any objects.
Precisely. Thank you.
Thank you.
Glad to see that we’re learning from each other through peer-assessment, teacher-assessment, and self-assessment.
1. After “although”, do not use a comma.
2. When although is used at the beginning of a complex sentence, there must be a comma at the end of the first sentence or dependent clause.
3. notably for cancer therapy
4. ranging from those that/which are ineffective …
Thank you.
–> 3. According to the oxford dictionary “notably” means “especially” and do not need to “for”.
“For” does NOT concern ‘notably’. It refers to “cancer therapy”. In other words, alternative medicine is used for cancer therapy.