IELTS Writing Task 2 Physical Punishment
IELTS Writing Task 2 Physical Punishment
Topic:
Recent psychological theories verify that administering physical / corporal punishment on young children at home and/or school should be abolished and replaced with some alternative rehabilitative methods.
To what extent do you concur with this viewpoint? Please provide reasons to support your claim.
General Information
- The Academic Writing test takes 60 minutes. It consists of two tasks. The recommended time for each task is: 20 minutes on Task 1, and 40 minutes on Task 2. Between the two tasks of your Academic Writing Test, you are free to start from the one you like.
- Your essay should include at least 250 words.
- In this task, your ability to respond to a topic, generate relevant ideas, outline problems and offer solutions to the problems based on your experience and reasoning is measured.
- IELTS Writing Task 2 falls into the category of argumentative essays.
- IELTS Writing Task 2, compared to IELTS Writing Task 1, carries more weight in scoring.
- Your reader is an educated person with only general knowledge of the topic.
Essayist: Sasan
These days, some people believe punishment should be omitted for raising children. I personally agree with this standpoint and think there are other more practical methods than punishment.
To begin with, punishment is an obsolete method for bringing up children and not only does it ruin the camaraderie between children and their well-wishers but also it cannot persuade children to draw a line between right and wrong. Today, children are really assertive and thoughtful in comparison to the past and we have to treat them logically if we want to mold them into decent people. Moreover, researchers have figured out that punishment affects children’s creativity detrimentally and children turn into some followers who prefer to stick to their comfort zone under the influence of punishment.
Furthermore, there are other methods in order to look after children. Firstly, teachers and parents should coax children into the right track by holding friendly discussions with them. Secondly, if some children do not pay attention to their parents’ advice, some sanctions could be imposed on them. For instance, detention and withdrawal of privileges could be effective. What is more, parents can give compliments to well-behaved children. As a result, other children can understand that which types of behaviors are respectful and praiseworthy among people and they would be encouraged to change their mind.
In conclusion, it seems to me there are some methods which are more productive than punishment for bringing up children.
✅ Error Correction:
- Paragraph 1:
- Line 1: Did you mean “omitted FROM raising children”?
- In your topic sentence, you have not specified the term corporal or physical punishment. You have just written punishment, which is not in line with the topic. Please note that the topic does not concern omitting punishment altogether. It just focuses on physical punishment.
- Paragraph 3:
- Last Line: … can understand that which types of behaviors are respectful :arrow: … can understand which types of behavior are respectful
- When you use a relative clause starting with a wh-question like “which”, you should omit “that” right before the clause.
- It’s better to use a singular form of “behavior” here.
- Last Line: … can understand that which types of behaviors are respectful :arrow: … can understand which types of behavior are respectful
- Coherence: Great!
- Cohesion: Excellent
- Reasoning: Reasonable with regard to “punishment” and not “physical punishment”
- Essay Analysis:
- Throughout your essay, you have referred to punishment in the most general way ever. You are not loyal to the topic.
- Your conclusion is rather too short.
- Word Count: “239” Below the accepted number of 250 words!
These days, some people believe punishment should be omitted for raising children. I personally agree with this standpoint and think there are other more practical methods than punishment.
To begin with, punishment is an obsolete method for bringing up children and not only does it ruin the camaraderie between children and their well-wishers but also it cannot persuade children to draw a line between right and wrong. Today, children are really assertive and thoughtful in comparison to the past and we have to treat them logically if we want to mold them into decent people. Moreover, researchers have figured out that punishment affects children’s creativity detrimentally and children turn into some followers who prefer to stick to their comfort zone under the influence of punishment.
Furthermore, there are other methods in order to look after children. Firstly, teachers and parents should coax children into the right track by holding friendly discussions with them. Secondly, if some children do not pay attention to their parents’ advice, some sanctions could be imposed on them. For instance, detention and withdrawal of privileges could be effective. What is more, parents can give compliments to well-behaved children. As a result, other children can understand that which types of behaviors are respectful and praiseworthy among people and they would be encouraged to change their mind.
In conclusion, it seems to me there are some methods which are more productive than punishment for bringing up children.