Immigration Problems – IELTS Essay Sample
Topic: Advantages and Disadvantages of Immigration
In today’s world, more and more people immigrate to other countries for many reasons.
To my mind, (in my opinion), immigration has many advantages and disadvantages.
First of all, I should talk about that (I should say that) the first immigration (this point is irrelevant. Not all people experience more than one immigration) is a new experience for anyone.
Secondly, (Second of all, to match with ‘First of all’ in the previous paragraph) I believe that if you want to live overseas alone, you will learn that how you can stand on your own feet. (you will learn how to stand on your own feet)
On the other hand, golden opportunities awaits (await) you if you immigrate to a developed country.
It is easy to understand why some people believe that immigration is the best way to progress.
In fact, no one would deny (can deny is better) that immigration is effective on culture. (has positive effects on culture)
What I mean is (it’s better to add ‘that’ here) if you immigrate to other countries or other cities (you do not immigrate to other cities, just to other countries) in childhood, (during/from childhood) your culture will be unconscious change. (your culture might unconsciously change)
However, immigration has some bad points (some drawbacks/disadvantages, too) that I would like to mention as the following.
First and most importantly is away from family. (Most importantly/In the first place, you will be far away from your family.)
In the past, people communicated (would communicate) by writing letters (through snail mail) and speaking on the phone.
However, technology has changed this, and now the Internet is the most common communication tool
s (communication channel/medium), specially (especially/particularly) for young people and this means that everyone can communicate with their family.
So, to conclude, (To conclude/In conclusion, both of them have the same meaning, and it is redundant to use both) although it (repetition of key words, that is, immigration, instead of ‘it’) has advantages and disadvantages, immigration (here, use ‘it’) has made life so much easier (much so easier) in so many ways, that, (and) as long as people know how to do it (deal with it) effectively.I (consider a space between ‘I” and the previous sentence) wish everybody be happy in everyplace. (The last sentence is rather irrelevant to the topic)
- The topic is about immigration problems. So you should talk more about the disadvantages.
- You should use more conjunctions in your essay, for example, therefore, moreover, besides, etc. to join the sentences together.
- There are so many paragraphs with short sentences in this essay. You should develop longer paragraphs with more conjunctions.