Sport at school essay for IELTS with complete analysis and scoring submitted to us by our students with full essay model. Study this sample IELTS essay on sport at school together with scoring and feedback. Send us your IELTS essays for analysis.
IELTS essay question on sports
School children do not seem to spend adequate time doing physical exercise to prevent overweightness and obesity.
Do you agree that this is the best solution to the issue of obesity in school children?
Mention a few other solutions to tackle this issue.
IELTS essay on sports
School children do not seem to spend adequate time doing physical exercise to prevent overweightness and obesity.
- You’ve simply copied the exact essay question in your first paragraph. This is NOT an introduction at all.
This is one of the main solicitudes of parents and education officials. The problem became even worse after COVID 19 pandemic. Most of children and even adults had to remain home and had no choice other than being a coach potato. This kind of sedentary life with consuming too much junk food added salt to injury. Even after receding the outbreak and opening the schools the problem continues. Several reasons could be mentioned. One of the main problems is lack of enough physical activity. Children usually have a sweat tooth and have a tendency to eat fast foods. Most of them spend hours in front of TV or computer games without spending a calorie.
- school officials
- the Covid-19 pandemic
- better to say “stay home”
- couch potato
- has added
- sweet
- fast food
- reducing / burning a calorie
- You have not yet answered the main question!
So to deal with this problem the best way is to persuade them to be more physically active. Sport in school and at weekends is a good policy to manage it. The other solution to tackle this issue is encouraging them to eat less junk food. Another thing that help reducing the problem is school trips for children. Taking them to nature under supervision of school officials both help them to be more active and being with their classmate also develop their social skills.
- Them refers to who? I know ‘school children’, but you need to mention them in the new paragraph.
- helps
- the supervision of
- alongside their classmates
- Your essay doesn’t have any conclusion because in your conclusion, you should not mention something new.
Analysis and scoring
- Analysis
- Your essay is too short and not convincing enough.
- Cohesion and coherence: 16 of 25%
- Grammatical range and accuracy: 14 of 25%
- Lexical resources: 17 of 25%
- Task achievement: 14 of 25%
- Spelling: OK
- Punctuation: Below average
- Word count: “215” Too short! The minimum number of words is 250.
- Time on Essay Writing: 40 minutes – Excellent
- Band score: 4.5 of 9
