IELTS Essay on Work of Art with Correction for Band 6

IELTS Essay on Work of Art

IELTS Essay on

IELTS Essay on Work of Art

Topic

Some people believe that, between science and art, carries more importance to lead a . Others, nevertheless, hold quite the .
To which group of people do you belong. Bring reasons to support your claim.
Note. If one side of the argument is taken, you should argue for the other side.

IELTS Candidate: Mor Gracious

Some people believe that science is more important to lead a better life while others art as a rescuer of . I personally believe in art as a better leader in creating the life better. Here are some of my reasons to support my idea.

  1. more important than what?
  2. Put a comma before “while” as a subordinating conjunction to show contrast.
  3. making a better life

Although science has a in making our life more comfortable by inventing new gadgets but when it comes to morality, it couldn’t what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, we are witnessing that the science could help life to be more comfortable help it to get more disastrous. It could increase the lifespan of a society as much as commit the of the same society. In order to sum it up, science is a that could be exploited by the autocratic governors whether in a good manner or not.

  1. Do not use “although” and “but” together.
  2. couldn’t ➡ cannot / fails to
  3. we witness something – Witness is not generally used in a progressive mode.
  4. science
  5. causing it to become
  6. provoking genocide

On the other hand, art is all about veracity, beauty and humanity. There are several examples of artists who have been fought against war or ruthlessness . So many songs has been sung till now. So many expressions of sympathy has been raised among people having a variety of and traditions.

  1. fighting – Put it in an active voice.
  2. have
  3. until now – more formal
  4. have

At the end, I suppose science is beneficial to , but it is more a car without a driver which could end up in any direction. While the progress of science is inevitable, the role of art is crucial to guide it into the which culminates in a better life.

  1. In the end,
  2. The analogy you’ve drawn here had better be used in one of the body paragraphs. In your conclusion, you should not mention anything new.

Assessment

  • Band score = 6 of 9
  •  Analysis:
    • In your introduction, you’ve specified that art carries more weight compared to science. However, in your body paragraphs, you’ve focused on science more than art, which ought to be the other way around.
  • Cohesion and Cohesion (18% of 25%)
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy (16% of 25%)
  • Lexical Resources (17% of 25%)
  • Task Achievement (20% of 25%)
  • Spelling: Good
  • Punctuation: Below average
  • Word Count: “261” Good

Use the comment form below and ask any question you might have about this essay and its assessment.

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