IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 10
Topic
Although many people value their local parks, this space could be better used for other purposes, such as residential areas for the ever-growing population or to develop business and boost economies.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument?
Nowadays, local parks are really valuable not only for humans but also for flora and fauna. So, some believe these areas could be used for building skyscrapers and factories, though others want to keep these regions intact, having enough space for taking rest and enjoyment. I personally agree with the latter perspective.
First of all, natural places could generate oxygen and the existence of greenery around a city affect its weather undoubtedly. To put it in another way, many cities around the world are coping with air pollution and these problems cannot be overcome unless some plants and trees are planted around the city. Moreover, there is a rat race competition in all over the world and people get stressed in their workplaces owing to the pressure of their tasks and as a result, they need to have a special place for relieving stress and having fun. Hence, there is a need for local parks in order to have a standard lifestyle.
Besides, there are other factors which shore up my vantage point. To specify, there should be some barriers for the construction of skyscrapers and factories in a city, if not, there would be a huge amount of facilities and opportunities only in some special cities. For instance, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, there are many companies and factories and in turn, people in some small cities are deprived from some chances compared to the people in Tehran.
To sum up, although some believe that local parks ought to be occupied by buildings and companies, there are more indispensable points for making decision about these areas.
Nowadays, local parks are really valuable not only for humans but also for flora and fauna. So, some believe these areas could be used for building skyscrapers and factories, though others want to keep these regions intact, having enough space for taking rest and enjoyment. I personally agree with the latter perspective.
First of all, natural places could generate oxygen and the existence of greenery around a city affect its weather undoubtedly. To put it in another way, many cities around the world are coping with air pollution and these problems cannot be overcome unless some plants and trees are planted around the city. Moreover, there is a rat race competition in all over the world and people get stressed in their workplaces owing to the pressure of their tasks and as a result, they need to have a special place for relieving stress and having fun. Hence, there is a need for local parks in order to have a standard lifestyle.
Besides, there are other factors which shore up my vantage point. To specify, there should be some barriers for the construction of skyscrapers and factories in a city, if not, there would be a huge amount of facilities and opportunities only in some special cities. For instance, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, there are many companies and factories and in turn, people in some small cities are deprived from some chances compared to the people in Tehran.
To sum up, although some believe that local parks ought to be occupied by buildings and companies, there are more indispensable points for making decision about these areas.
In line 2 why did you use so? I think it isn’t needed.
line 3: for taking rest and enjoying life (parallel structure)
line 13: barrier to the construction of…. (barrier to)
line 16: deprived of not from (deprived of)
I don’t see “so” in Line 2.
for taking rest and enjoying life, good point. ✅
barrier to ✅
deprived of ✅
Thank you! ?
thanks for your corrections
Great job!
Paragraph 1: “though” is generally regarded as a subordinating conjunction like ‘despite the fact that’ or ‘although’. It’s better to use ‘however’ here, which links two independent clauses.
Paragraph 2: the existence of greenery … affect”s” …
Paragraph 2, Line 4: people are under a lot of stress / become stressed / suffer from stress
Paragraph 3, Line 2: barrier :arrow: to sth
As Fatemeh pointed out, deprived of
Last line: making decision”s”
thanks for your corrections
Don’t mention it.
Questions of the next lecture:
1. How often do you use the social media?
2. What changes does the emergence of social media bring in your life?
3. Are you satisfied with the emergence of social media in your life?
Interesting topic! Thank you.
Thank you too.
…
On Tuesday’s class, we decided that Sasan would be the only essayist for this session. I think you also agreed on that. We said that, in each session, just one student would compose the entire essay, while others could assess it.
Sorry, I did not know. Thank you for informing us. I remove my essay.
No problem.