IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course – Session 2
Last updated on April 3, 2021 by Dr. Mohammad Hossein Hariri Asl in IELTS Essay Writing Practice Category with 40 Comments on IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course – Session 2 and 21 Views
IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 2 Writing Task Topic: Nowadays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? The first essayist writes an introductory paragraph on the above topic, delineating 2 merits and 2 demerits of the central idea in approximately 70 words. The second essayist writes
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To recapitulate, nowadays, some folks welcome convenience foods with opening arms, on the grounds that these foods could be a type of short-cut in terms of saving money and time. However, nobody can deny the fact that many diseases lie at the root of convenience foods and also these types of food could leave family relationships on the verge of collapse.
Inclusive, exclusive and curt enough.
With open arms
short-cut to saving money and time
Moreover, people can reap some benefits by going through convenience foods. To be more specific, in the new era, time management and working on a tight schedule is so crucial. So, it would be time-saving to use convenience food. Another point which could shore up the above-mentioned advantages is that prepared foods are cost-effective and they could be provided by less money compared to other dishes. Nevertheless, becoming far from traditional methods of making foods brings about disintegration among family members not only physically but also emotionally. Hence, using convenience foods has pros and cons simultaneously.
Your paragraph is supposed to be the concluding one, according to the instructions. However, your first word, i.e. moreover is usually used to add some additional information, which does not generally happen in a concluding paragraph.
Thank you for your hint but when I started writing my supporting paragraph, Reza had not posted his supporting paragraph. So, I added a conclusion paragraph as well.
I should thank you, too.
Reza submitted his paragraph 24 minutes earlier than you.
You can also check the submission time on this comment form, in the bottom right corner of each comment.
I suppose you faced this problem because in the middle of wiring your paragraph, just a couple of minutes before submitting or posting it, Reza simply posted his paragraph and you were not aware of that.
A good solution to solve the problems of this ilk is to check the NOTIFY OF NEW REPLIES TO THIS COMMENT feature to receive notifications about any upcoming comments via email.
There is no room for doubt that using inexpensive culinary materials is a double-edged sword. As a positive aspect, it supports the family economically; nevertheless, degradation in food quality drastically threats being healthy. In fact, it has such negative effects on the health of the family members that gives rise to family expenses such as medical expenditures. Therefore, not only is it an economic decision to consume worthless materials, but it also is problematic.
threat :arrow: threaten (verb)
that IT gives rise to … (the sentence should have a subject.
threats being :arrow: is a menace to the health benefits of proper nutrition (my idea)
With the purpose of having a healthy diet, it is crucial to consume foods which are rich in nutrition. Baking the raw materials gradually and in a long period is one essential factor in saving their nutritional values which is most often in contrast with the convenience foods. In addition, almost all of the convenience foods contain some kinds of artificial preservatives which are considered as a central problem of such productions due to causing health problems.
You were supposed to bring up one merit and one demerit but I could not find any advantages in your paragraph.
Excellent criticism! ?
She has not elaborated on any merit of fast and easy production of foods.
You can compose your own part, focusing on one of the 2 merits and another demerit.
Thank you for saying that point.
The introductory paragraph shows 2 merits: saving money and saving time
and 2 demerits: being unhealthy and family disintegration.
You should use one merit and one demerit as proposed by Arash because he has been the first composer.
Thank you for your guidance. I revised it.
With the purpose of having a healthy diet, it is crucial to consume foods which are rich in nutrition. Baking the raw materials gradually and in a long period is one essential factor in saving their nutritional values which is most often in contrast with the convenience foods. In addition, almost all of the convenience foods contain some kinds of artificial preservatives which are considered as a central problem of such productions due to causing health problems. On the other hand, junk foods involve some prepared materials which are ready to use and this properties can be very practical for those who are busy and get little chance to put in cooking.
To be considered sth
To be regarded as sth
This properties ==> this property, referring to fast preparation (singular, not plural).
One of the most significant advances in civilization is the development of modern methods of food production and preparation. Convenience foods have now become the norm in many societies. As a matter of fact, there are many people who don’t have enough time to spend for cooking like employees and this change is good for them. Furthermore, you can save money because convenience foods tend to be cheaper than the alternatives. On the other hand, these are not healthful and probably the family members can be avoided.
1. …. time to spend in cooking (line 4)
2. I’m not sure but I think it’s better to use they instead of these (last line)
3. Its better to say it prevents family get-together (last line)
4. Additionally, I think convenience foods are more expensive
Thank you so much for your corrections.
⭐ Great job, thank you!
1. spend time in/at a place and spend time doing sth
2. It’s even better to repeat the key words, :arrow: e.g. convenience foods/junk foods/fast foods, etc.
3. It prevents family get-together :arrow: GREAT.
Tnx a lot.
❌ than the alternatives ✅ than the other alternatives
convenience foods! I did not the structure, a thought it was incorrect but it is a hundred percent correct!
I cannot correct my fault.
This is Hariri, logged in as a member, testing this comment form as a member (not admin)…
I just checked it. You can EDIT your comments.
When logged in, just hit the EDIT button. The edit button is next to the reply button.
P.S. I use my PC. I don’t know about the interface of mobile devices.
For some of my posts it is visible, but for the other not.
I don’t know. If you continue having this issue, please reply to your own comments.
I think, in the last sentence, as you want to come to a conclusion, it is better to use one of these structures:
As a result, hence, thus, therefore, consequently.
Thank you. As I know we have to write a conclusion in the last part of essay. In fact I did not want to write a conclusion.
The point is that each paragraph, even an introductory paragraph could (but not necessarily) have its own conclusion. This point is rather relative, though.
? Great point. Thank you.
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