IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 7
Writing Task
Topic: Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days, fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.
Why do you think that is?
What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?
Art is one of the most powerful indicator of the human culture. By respecting and sanctifying arts, human culture and identity are protected. However, coincide with the development of the world, people are more involved in the science, technology and business demonstrating the properties of modern world. As a matter of fact, art and science are interwoven in each other, they have a lot of things in common. In ancient Greece, the word for art was techne, from which technique and technology are derived; terms that are vastly applied in science were originally used in arts. So it is essential to accept that advances in science and technologies in fact reflect the active existence of art in that society.
In addition, I would like to explain more about one of the most popular arts that it’s music. Generally, music is considered to be one of the most popular and ancient modes of human expression. It features largely in all histories and all cultures and indeed has been one of the main ways of passing on cultural traditions to new generations. Because of this, many people view music as a positive influence for societies. They also believe that the influence on individuals is wholly beneficial as it is a long-established way of communicating and helping us to understand the whole range of human emotion and experience in a more straightforward language than words can represent.
Line 1: … the most popular arts that (is) music.
line 2: music (has been) considered to be one of the most popular and the ancient (mode) of human expression.
It is better to say: I would like to explain more about music since it has been considered to be one of the most popular and ancient mode of human expression. (you repeat “one of the most popular” right in the next sentences).
line 6: way of communication
Thank you.
We can say that music is considered to be …
Good point about the repetition of the phrase, most popular.
Way of communication is preferable.
Line 1: arts :arrow: branches of art, i.e. music
Line 2: feature is a transitive verb, so you need to use an object.
Last line: emotion :arrow: emotions
Last line: … in a far more spiritual language that words can never represent.
Like Hajar, you did not pay attention to the central idea in the topic, i.e. how to arouse more interest in art. Your paragraph is basically about music, which is, by far, impertinent to the central idea of the topic.
We seem to live life at an incredibly high speed, trying to cram all that we believe we need to do into a day. People try to fill up their time with more hard work to succeed or to win myriad races. So, there is no time for stillness and for enjoying every moment. Now, keeping these ideas firmly in mind, the experience of beauty of all kinds of art, with its emotional intensity and pleasure belongs to our evolved human psychology. For instance, beauty is deep in our minds, it is a gift. More to the point, our powerful reaction to the images, to the expression of emotion in art, to the beauty of music, to the beauty of nature and to the night sky creates happiness in our life.
Your essay is like a poem, full of emotion. I enjoyed it. ?
Thank you, very nice of you.
“Breath the smell of damp soil
Sing with a heart of gold
Spread happiness song around the world
Figure out the scent of your seconds
Open your eyes to plant, to light
Listen to nature sounds for flight
Talk with the beauty of life
Talk like cloud with the sky
Talk like a bird with the spring
Talk like raindrops with the sea
Talk like the grass with the desert
Talk like trees with the woods” — Hajar :)
Brilliant!
I concur with your view.
Line 1: live a life / lives
Line 3: omit the second for
Line 5: a gift that is handed down …
Great job!
I personally found your paragraph moderately literary and philosophical. You more or less focused on the rationale behind beauty and art, which is rather away from the main subject, i.e. how to encourage more artistic activities and events.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
In fact, the experience of beauty of all kinds of art, with its emotional intensity and pleasure belongs to our evolved human psychology. For instance, beauty is deep in our minds, it is a gift that is handed down from the intelligent skills and rich emotional lives of our most ancient ancestors.
Nowadays, we seem to live a life at an incredibly high speed, trying to cram all that we believe we need to do into a day. People try to fill up their time with more hard work to succeed or to win myriad races. Besides, individuals prefer to spend their time with Internet, TV, cell phone, etc. So, there is no time for stillness and enjoying every moment by going to the special places such as theater, museums and exhibitions of painting. To this point, government can open museums or galleries on the weekend or holidays. Also, authorities can motivate people to take interest in the arts by establishing art halls or exhibitions of pictures, paintings and sculpture.
Meanwhile, Training system plays a key role in the development of branches of art in the society. They should notice that being skilled artistically is similar to being skilled scientifically or athletically.
Thanks for your reconsideration.
Art is one of the most powerful indicator of the human culture. By respecting and sanctifying arts, human culture and identity are protected. However, coincide with the development of the world, people are more involved in the science, technology and business demonstrating the properties of modern world. As a matter of fact, art and science are interwoven in each other, they have a lot of things in common. In ancient Greece, the word for art was techne, from which technique and technology are derived; terms that are vastly applied in science were originally used in arts. So it is essential to accept that advances in science and technologies in fact reflect the active existence of art in that society.
Hi. Please consider that you should use a plural noun after “one of” so you should change indicator to indicators on the first line. In addition, I think it’s better to use “the” before “modern” on the third line. Please consider putting a comma after “technologies” and “in fact” on the last line.
Thank you.
All correct, except the last point.
It’s not necessary to use a comma there, but might be recommended.
Line 1: indicator :arrow: indicators
Line 1: omit the before human culture
Line 2: coincide :arrow: coinciding with …
Line 3: the modern world
Line 4: be interwoven with sth
Line 6: Apply in :arrow apply to