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IELTS Writing Task 1 on Online Sales with Assessment

Published on August 20th, 2023 | Last updated on August 23rd, 2023 by | Category: IELTS Essay Writing Practice | 4 Comments on IELTS Writing Task 1 on Online Sales with Assessment | 163 Views | Reading Time: 3 minutes

IELTS Writing Task 1 on online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets submitted to us by our students and members. Join LELB Society’s students and send us your IELTS essays and reports for thorough analysis.

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The bar graph above shows the number of smartphones, laptops and tablets sold online in the first quarter of 2019 in million units.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Source of visual data: freeschool.id

IELTS Writing Task 1 on online sales

This bar graph shows the number of smartphones, laptops, and tablets sold online in the first quarter of 2019 in million units.

  1. The first paragraph is the exact copy of the given prompt as the question. You could at least paraphrase the title in the question.

The bar graph indicates that in January 2019 the sales of laptops were the most by nearly 50 million units. And the least were smartphones with almost 20 million units. The following month, however, the tablet’s sales remarkably increased to almost 65 million sold-outs. Which was even more than what laptops and smartphones sold. Moreover, the sales of laptops decreased to 30 million units.

  1. laptops had / experienced the highest sales, which is not correct because in April 2019, laptops had the highest sales even more than January.
  2. This sentence starting with ‘and’ cannot be an independent sentence. Put these 2 sentences together by using ‘and’ as a coordinating conjunction.
  3. In the following month
  4. tablets’ sales
  5. Sold-out is an adjective and cannot be pluralized.
  6. You cannot start a sentence with ‘which’ for this purpose.
  7. how laptops and smartphones were sold.
  8. … 30 million units in the same month. – The sentence is vague without any time period.

In March the sale of smartphones had a notable and surprising increase. It sold more than 70 million units. The sale of laptops had a gradual diminishment to 20 million units. In contrast, the sales of smartphones stayed the same as in February. In April, only around 40 million smartphones were sold, which indicates a remarkable decreasement. Furthermore, compared to previous months, the sales of laptops had a considerable increase and reached almost 50 million units. And tablets had a notable decrease with only about 30 million units.

  1. Either sale or sales, choose one.
  2. Remarkable decrease is quite more common that remarkable decrease. This also applies to ‘diminishment’.
  3. the previous months (definite)
  4. units. And = … units, while tablets …

Analysis and scoring

  • Analysis
    • You’ve made some basic grammar mistakes.
  • Cohesion and coherence: 16 of 25%
  • Grammatical range and accuracy: 15 of 25%
  • Lexical resources: 18 of 25%
  • Task achievement: 20 of 25%
  • Spelling: Great
  • Punctuation: Average
  • Word Count: “174 Words” – Excellent
  • Time on Report Writing: “20 Minutes” – Great
  • Band score: 6.5 of 9

4 comments on “IELTS Writing Task 1 on Online Sales with Assessment”

  1. This bar graph shows the number of smartphones, laptops, and tablets sold online in the first quarter of 2019 in million units.
    The bar graph indicates that in January 2019 the sales of laptops were the most by nearly 50 million units. And the least were smartphones with almost 20 million units. The following month, however, the tablet’s sales remarkably increased to almost 65 million sold-outs. Which was even more than what laptops and smartphones sold. Moreover, the sales of laptops decreased to 30 million units.
    In March the sale of smartphones had a notable and surprising increase. It sold more than 70 million units. The sale of laptops had a gradual diminishment to 20 million units. In contrast, the sales of smartphones stayed the same as in February. In April, only around 40 million smartphones were sold, which indicates a remarkable decreasement. Furthermore, compared to previous months, the sales of laptops had a considerable increase and reached almost 50 million units. And tablets had a notable decrease with only about 30 million units.

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