IELTS essay on housing market with full essay, thorough analysis and assessment submitted to us by LELB Society’s students. Join LELB Society’s students and send us your IELTS reports and essays for analysis and scoring.
Table of Contents / فهرست مطالب
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IELTS essay question on housing market
IELTS essay on housing market
As we know, overpopulation has become one of the significant challenges and issues for governments and countries. New houses and apartments should be constructed and there is an argument whether new homes should be built in the city or new cities and towns should be built for housing development. I personally, assume that the second option is a better choice because constructing new homes in existing cities comes with many consequences.
- argument on whether / debate about whether
- personally, assume = personally assume
- what kind of consequences, dire, adverse, negative, etc.?
- You’ve not mentioned any specific reason why you’ve selected the second option except for some consequences.
- There is some redundant part in your introduction after the word, argument. For this reason, the first paragraph has become rather long, although you’ve not stated any support for your opinion.
Cities and towns are built with a general assumption of the number of citizens in the first place. Moreover, when the population grows over time, the cities will evidently, lack enough space for new people. Consequently, it is the duty of the government and mayoral to come to a conclusion. I believe that first of all, constructing new cities for house development is a better choice, because existing cities do not have the capacity of new citizens and it will deface the city’s view and system. Secondly, Many cities have houses that are historically aesthetic, and destroying them would take the culture and the stories away. Reconstruction and repair are acceptable, but demolishing homes and building apartments instead is inconvenient.
- mayoral vs. mayor
- come to a conclusion = arrive at / seek a solution
- that, first of all, …
- choice because
- secondly = second of all (in parallel with second of all)
- Many = many
- the culture and stories
- is = are
- inconvenient or inappropriate?
The next reason why I do not agree with building new houses in existing towns is that it is the major problem why heavy traffic exists in the first place. The roads and highways do not have the capacity for vast numbers of cars and vehicles. However, by constructing and building new towns, this wouldn’t be an issue. Furthermore, overpopulation in existing cities spoils the environment as well. Air pollution is one of the consequences. Consequently, this would bring diseases and respiratory problems.
- agree on / about sth
- it is the main / underlying cause of heavy traffic …
- wouldn’t = would not be an issue any longer
- ‘Furthermore’ and ‘as well’ both show addition, and for this reason, they should not be used in the same sentence.
- …, and air pollution is ….
- Consequently has been used twice. You could use one of its alternatives like as a result, as a consequence, etc.
Building new cities to me is a better and more beneficial solution to overpopulation. In this way, we would experience less traffic and more clear weather and the primal construction of existing cities would not be destroyed.
- Compared to what? You need to mention that.
- primal construction = primal infrastructure / architecture
Analysis and scoring
- Your introduction and conclusion must be revised accordingly.
- Cohesion and coherence: 18 of 25%
- Grammatical range and accuracy: 14 of 25%
- Lexical resources: 17 of 25%
- Task achievement: 21 of 25%
- Spelling: Good
- Punctuation: Average
- Word Count: “ 311 Words” – Excellent!
- Time on Essay Writing: “ 35 Minutes” – You could proofread your essay.
- Band score: 6.5 of 9