IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 3
Writing Task
- Topic: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.
- Each paragraph contains approximately 70 words.
- Reasoning is absolutely important in this argumentative essay.
- The first essayist should write an introductory paragraph, clarifying his/her position in response to the topic.
- The first supporting paragraph writer should advocate one gender (either fathers or mothers) as better parents.
- The second supporting paragraph writer should support the other side (even against your real wish) for making better parents.
- The last essayist should summarize the entire essay, giving more credit to the position that was mainly adopted and favored by the first essayist.
Paragraph on raising children
The view that women are better parents than men has shown itself to be true throughout history. I do not agree to say men are not importance in their child life because in some situations they are most necessary for them. Indeed, women are not violent behavior and they are much more compassionate than men. I believe that women play the key role in raising children in most societies.
Reza won’t attend this session, either.
Sasan informed me that he would not attend this session. So, Arash will be the lecturer.
Many believe that males are better parents than their counterparts.
1. Such an appropriate conjunction in this context! (on the contrary)
2. “men supply family” :arrow: the family or families
3. underdeveloped
4. this role has vanished (intransitive verb)
5. the more dominant parent (comparative adjective)
In fact, there is no room for doubt that females are more emotional than their counterparts.
I think based on the Dr. Hariri’s comment, you should provide argumentations for the other side i.e. father.
In fact, I just followed the introduction and your paragraph.
“The second supporting paragraph writer should support the other side (even against your real wish) for making better parents.”
⭐ Excellent criticism! Thank you.
1.I think you mean raising children
2. not only to their children but also to the others’ lives
Child rearing is also correct. Yet, I do encourage your taste in assessing the paragraphs.
Great job!
1. When it comes to sth/doing something (gerund).
2. “The most diligent parent” when we have just 2 alternatives (mothers and fathers), it’s not logical to use superlative adjectives (the most diligent). Instead, use comparative adjectives (more diligent)…
3. “The second supporting paragraph writer should support the other side (even against your real wish) for making better parents.”
4. ” mothers devoted their lives” :arrow: who devoted / devoting …
5. Others’ lives. Use an apostrophe
Thanks a lot.
It’s my pleasure.
As parent, women are equipped with a specific emotional property which makes them unique. The process of raising children is fraught with a lot of difficulties and hardships and having empathetic attitudes toward children and being patient are two crucial factors in bringing them up. As women are physically much more involved in the child raising process, likewise; they are more prepared toward them from the mental point of view.
Great job!
1. As a parent.
2. “in the pregnancy and in the lactation periods” :arrow: in the pregnancy and lactation periods
3. You refer to 2 responsibilities of women (pregnancy and lactation) in a comparative mode (women are more involved than men) as examples of more physical involvement, but the point is that men, in the real sense of the word, have NOTHING to do with these specific 2 maternal characteristics.
3. “periods, likewise; they a” :arrow: Consider a full stop. Likewise, … because the sentence will become too complicated.
4. The last sentence: 2 pronouns? (Repetition of Key Words).
5. Prepared toward –> prepared for/to do sth
I do not agree to say men are not importance in their child life because in some situations they are most necessary for them.
Corrections:
1.Important (line 2)
2. The most necessary ones (line3)
3. Do not have violent behaviors(line 3)
Hi. Thank you for your corrections.
Hi, you’re welcome.
Try to do the same thing, Arash. Even you are always welcome to challenge me.
Sure. I will do it. Tnx a lot
Please do not use some abbreviations here that are common for chatting, such as:
⛔ tnx, u, c u, 4 me, omg, etc.
This is not a place for chatting. This is serious business and the context is formal.
Thank you.
Sure. Thank you.
Don’t mention it.
Bravo! I really admire your efforts to perform error correction.
I was not really impressed by your paragraph. You should spend more time on that with more scrutiny.
1. So many vague parts. Don’t hesitate to use key words. Too many pronouns make your part rather ambiguous.
2. Basic grammar problems… You need to work on your grammar.
3. More academic words should be utilized.
4. Do you mean that all men are violent? Well, your sentence reflects this message.
5. “I do not agree to say men are not importance in their child life because in some situations they are most necessary for them.” :arrow: overusing pronouns, too ambiguous, are you talking about men’s childhood????
6. Your job is contradictory. The second and the last sentences are rather paradoxical.
Thank you for your correction. I will consider them in my next writing.
You’re welcome.