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Physical Exercises – IELTS Essay Sample

Published on July 18th, 2016 | Last updated on July 8th, 2019 by | Category: IELTS Essay Writing Practice | No Comments on Physical Exercises – IELTS Essay Sample | 99 Views | Reading Time: 4 minutes

Physical Exercises – IELTS Essay Sample

Physical Exercises – IELTS Essay Sample

Topic: Why is sport so important?

Before Correction:

First of all , (punctuation attaches to the previous words) i (capitalize this word) would like to say about (write about) variety of (a variety of) physical exercises that most of people called (call, use simple present tense) it (it should be omitted because we have talked about it before). “sport”.

In my view , everyone should be healthy for life (in life) that (that is redundant and confusing here) some people are still healthy (some people try to stay healthy) with healthy-eating (no hyphen between healthy and eating), for instance they eat vegetable,milk,fruits,… . (fresh vegetables, fruits, milk, …)

In the other hand (On the other hand), there are another people (other people) that are (better to say: who are) healthy with sport . (healthy by doing physical exercises).

However,it (However, it) is also important to consider the issue of the relationship (the issue of should be omitted as redundant) between exercises and nutrition . (period should be attached to the word before it) Surely,anyone (Surely, anyone) that (who is better) wants to still healthy person (wants to remain a healthy person) have to (has to, referring to person) pay attention to both . (to the both.)

Secondly , i (I) think physical exercises (doing physical exercises) has many advantages that i (I) would like to mention in the following. (in the following sentences/paragraphs)

The first is that , (“,” should be attached to the word before) you can be in good shape (in a good shape) with sport,for example , (by doing physical exercises, for example, ) people who do exercises can be still handsome. (can be as fit as a fiddle)

In addition , (In addition,) i (I) should say that you can be happier with doing exercises . (by doing exercises.)

In conclusion , (In conclusion,) i have to say (I should say) doing exercises is so important to me and my family. (This conclusion is so short and unsubstantiated.)


After Correction:

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