Tagged: IELTS essays, IELTS tips
- This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Dr. Mohammad Hossein Hariri Asl.
- May 8, 2022 at 10:20 am #103456
IELTS Essay on Success in Life
Although some people do not perform well at school, they actually thrive brilliantly in life.
Do you really think of any strong correlation between scholastic success and success in life?
What seems to be the most important factor in someone’s success in life?
Note. Please compose an essay between 250 and 300 words in length.
- May 12, 2022 at 11:25 am #103615Farhang HooshmandParticipant
Its a fact that many of us experienced or even happened to us that being successful in school is something different with running a successful prosperous life. I personally have this experience in my classmates performance and also to some extent in my life.
In my opinion although there are some correlation between scholastic success and flourishing life but achieving personal goals and having a successful adulthood life and career needs more developed qualities and advanced skills.
Many children try hard to get good grade and be successful as a student. This may result from their own will or sometimes occur under the pressure of their parents and teachers and sometimes their success comes from close competition with their classmates. But we all experienced that what really happens in life and all difficulties and challenges we have to deal with are different from those we come across in our childhood. To thrive in life and have a satisfying and lucrative job need at first the insight of choosing a job that you like and and beside that require knowledge and personality traits like time management, perseverance, resilience and the ability to have good interpersonal connection and have a good sense of team work.
Many of these skills are not taught in schools. So we frequently saw successful students who are not achieving success in their adulthood or vice versa children with poor performance at school but very successful in their career. There is another thing that I want to mention. Some children develop mentally and thrive gradually so they reach to a point of having a good insight of life and the knowledge of how they must behave and act later in their life. To be more clear and say it in other words they become mentally mature later in life.
- May 12, 2022 at 4:44 pm #103616
Analysis and scoring
Cohesion and coherence: 15 of 25%
- You need to use more conjunctions in your essay. Study this post on English conjunctions.
- The format or structure of your essay requires refinement, especially the length of paragraphs.
Grammatical range and accuracy: 15 of 25%
- It’s –> it is a fact
- it happened to us
- different from
- there is some correlation
- Don’t use “although & but” together.
- adult life = adulthood
- needs –> need
- good grades
- as students
- they reach a point
- insight into
Lexical resources: 20 of 25%
- You’re using more academic and formal vocabulary. Congratulations!
Task achievement: 18 of 25%
- Your 1st paragraph is not a standard introductory paragraph. It lacks a clear topic sentence.
- Your second paragraph makes a better choice for introductory paragraph.
- Your third paragraph is supporting your stance very well.
Punctuation: Needs improvement
Word count: “298” Excellent
Time on Essay Writing: XX of 40 minutes
- Not mentioned!!
Band score: 6.5 of 9
- May 12, 2022 at 5:52 pm #103628Farhang HooshmandParticipant
time on assay about 1 hr
- May 12, 2022 at 6:53 pm #103630
Thank you for mentioning the spent time.
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