IELTS Essay Sample 89 | Public Transport

IELTS Essay Sample 89 | Public Transport

IELTS Essay Sample 89 | Public Transport

IELTS Essay Sample 89 | Public Transport

• Your essay should include at least 250 words.
• You should spend approximately 40 minutes on this task.
• In this task, your ability to respond to a topic, generate relevant ideas, outline problems and offer solutions to the problems based on your experience and reasoning is measured.
• IELTS Writing Task 2, compared to IELTS Writing Task 1, carries more weight in scoring.

Topic

Some people believe that using public transport, such as buses, metro systems, trams, etc., is the most practical solution to the problem of the heavily congested roads in large cities. To what extent do you concur with this point of view?

The Essayist: Arash

Anyone who lives in a large city is aware of the increasing number of cars on the road and the kinds of problems this creates: traffic jams, air pollution and longer community period. As economies grow and access to cars spreads to increasing number of people, this trend is likely to worsen. In my opinion, using public transport is the best way that governments can use for decreasing the number of congested roads.

One of the most important ways in which governments can encourage people to use public transportation system is to make private car use more expensive and inconvenient such as increasing the TAX amount and the price of private cars. Other such measures are high-priced permits for parking in urban areas and the restriction of parking to a limited number of cars. On the other hand, they are able to decrease the price of public transport tickets. In addition, governments should gain the knowledge of people about the merits of using public transport with the help of TV advertisement, newspapers, schools, universities, etc.

Furthermore, faced with high costs or no place to park, commuters would perhaps be more willing to abandon their cars in favor of buses or trains. Last but not least, people should respect nature in order to prevent serious disasters like global warming.

To conclude, making public transport more comfortable and convenient should work to attract more commuters and decrease traffic congestion. The more commuters committed to taking public transport, the less congestion on city streets.

Error Correction:

• Paragraph 1:
  
  • Line 1: on the roads
    
  • Line 2: community period, not a very common term in English, and rather vague
  • Line 2: increasing numbers of people
  • Line 3: Public transport is mainly used by people, and not governments. Governments can encourage the use of public transport.
  • Good point! You have clarified your position in your topic sentence in your introductory paragraph. Please remember this essential point.
• Paragraph 2:
  • Line 1: public transport (British English) vs. public transportation (American English). You should be consistent and loyal to the topic of the essay in which the former has been used, i.e. public transport.
  • Line 1: … important ways in which :arrow: … through which
  • Line 2: Why did you capitalize the word ‘tax’?
  • Line 3: restriction to sth :arrow: restriction on sth
  • Line 3: ‘they’ :arrow: the governments / the Establishment / the authorities
  • Line 4: should gain the knowledge of people :arrow: should increase the knowledge of people
• Paragraph 3:
  • Line 2: It’s better to say: preserve / conserve / protect nature
• Paragraph 4:
  • Line 1: Attracting commuters has nothing to do with the major concern in this essay.
  • The last line: the structure before and after comma must be the same and paralleled. E.g. the more commuters use public transport, the less crowded the city streets would become.
• Choice of Words (Diction): Good!
• Coherence: Good
• Cohesion: Above average
  
• Grammar: Above average
  
• Reasoning: Below average
  
  • You did not elaborate on the rationale behind this phenomenon.
  • You basically offered some solutions to the problem, while you were supposed to explain about why using public transport carries so much weight. Offering solutions to this problem could be of secondary importance.
• Word Count: “251” Good!