IELTS – TOEFL Preparation Course | Session 13
Topic
There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?
Music is a perfect method for expressing feelings and sentiments. Also, it is crucial to preserve traditional music, though listening to international music has benefits as well. So, this essay is going to cast light on the benefits of music.
First of all, it is really helpful to deal with music because it gives humans positive energy and helps people to get rid of stress and daily problematic thoughts. Moreover, it could be right that traditional music is somehow boring with the passage of time but they need to be protected because traditional music symbolize culture, history, and background of people in a land. Nevertheless, listening to international music could help people to learn various things from different cultures.
1. What is insurance?
2. Why should people insure themselves or their property?
3. What is the importance of insurance in the society?
Such an intriguing subject! Thank you.
Generally, music is considered to be one of the most popular and ancient modes of human expression. It features largely in all histories and all cultures and indeed has been one of the main ways of passing on societies. However, there are different kinds of music and the qualities of classical music traditions are not necessarily part of the music many people experience today. To conclude, I think both traditional music and international music are effective in a society.
Line 1: Expression of what? e.g. feelings, emotions, etc.
Line 2: It features …
Line 3: The structure is :arrow: pass sth on to sb. The object is missing.
Line 3: music traditions… Did you mean traditional music??? I didn’t get it.
Last Line: both traditional and international music …
Last line: in any society
Hi, thank you so much for your corrections.
It’s my pleasure.
Music is considered as a powerful tool in making the life be more interesting. In fact, it can have some refreshing and satisfying effects on human’s mind. In my idea both traditional music of a country and the international music have significant role in every country. Traditional music has a very specific and static style while international music involves some diversity in both contents and styles. Generally speaking, human’s mind needs to have some varieties in the listening contents in order to achieve the required balance in life.
Hi. In line 2, please consider adding a comma after your introductory phrase “In my idea”. In line 3, “significant role” seems to be missing a determiner before it.
Hi, thank you.
You’re welcome.
Thanks for your corrections.
It’s better to use a comma, as you pointed it out.
It’s better to say: significant roles, indefinite structure in a plural form.
You’re most welcome.
Line 1: After ‘consider’ do not use “as”.
Line 1: … a powerful tool for making life more interesting
Line 3: omit “the” before “international music”
Line 3: significant role :arrow: roles
Music is a perfect method for expressing feelings and sentiments. Also, it is crucial to preserve traditional music, though listening to international music has benefits as well. So, this essay is going to cast light on the benefits of music.
First of all, it is really helpful to deal with music because it gives humans positive energy and helps people to get rid of stress and daily problematic thoughts. Moreover, it is right that traditional music is somehow boring with the passage of time but they need to be protected because traditional musics symbolize culture, history, and background of people in a land. Nevertheless, listening to international musics could help people to learn various things from different cultures.
Hi. In line 6 and line 8, please consider that “music” is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural.
That is correct. Thank you. ✅
You’re welcome.
Line 4: deal with music? Usually we deal with unpleasant and nasty things.
Line 6: music is uncountable, traditional music, and its pronoun should be “it” not “they”.
Last line: musics :arrow: music