IELTS Essay on Celebrities for Band 6

IELTS Essay on Celebrities

IELTS Essay on Celebrities

Topic

Celebrities and superstars could turn into role models and be idolized by the young generation. Some people believe that these public figures should always exhibit good and acceptable behavior in public places.

Discuss your opinion and give reasons for your claim.

IELTS Candidate: Mor Gracious

Celebrities and superstars could be idolized by the young generation due to their insatiable desire for being prosperous as they are and be admired by others. However, does it mean that they should always exhibit good and acceptable behavior in public places? I believe they ought not to behave well and even in some cases they should misbehave. I will reason and articulate my idea in the following.

• as they are and admired
• I will reason this out
• in the following paragraphs – “the following” as a noun is generally used as the subject of a sentence. For instance, the following will be discussed in the next paragraphs.

First, we have to realize that they aren’t superhero or superhuman. They are not impeccable or flawless. They are just ordinary people who are successful in their career and surely have ambitions that didn’t come true yet. At the beginning of their journey into the prosperity, they were as ordinary as we are and most of them had an austere lifestyle. In addition, their career mostly deals with people and that’s why they are exposed to the fame. It denotes that so many other people living out there are even more successful and are not idolized by the people. Therefore, their misbehavior could remind others that they are just pedestrian citizens who have their adversities, flaws and weaknesses.

• Celebrities – repetition of the keywords, especially in the new paragraph
• are not – Do not use contractions.
• Superheros
• have not come – present perfect tense because of “yet”
• ordinary people who are successful – It seems rather paradoxical.
• prosperity
• that is
• fame
• weaknesses, too.

Although, some people might refute this idea and reason that in spite of the fact, there are still youngsters who follow their misbehavior as well, but I think they are seldom and if the celebrities act as normal persons, the youngsters might stop their imitation of them. When a celebrity misbehaves in a society, some of his/her followers got disappointed at him/her. The rate of depression and disappointment is proportional to the level of idolization and how much the followers are used to his/her misbehavior.

• Although
• in spite of the fact that
• seldom :arrow: rare
• stop imitating them (more common)
• in the society
• get

At last, I think the only destructive trait of the celebrities and superstars is the potential for being idolized by the young people. Anything which could boosts the potential must be avoided and pretending a well behavior is one of them.

• celebrities and superstars
• boost
• good behavior – well-behaved (adj)

Assessment

• Band score =  6 of 9
•  Analysis:
• Cohesion and Cohesion (16% of 25%)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (14% of 25%)
• Lexical Resources (22% of 25%)
• Task Achievement (21% of 25%)
• Spelling: Good
• Punctuation: Good
• Word Count: “312” Great!

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