IELTS Essay on People’s Health – Full Essay & Question

IELTS Essay on People’s Health

IELTS Essay on People’s Health

Essay Question

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essayist: An IELTS candidate at LELB Society

In the future, I believe most people are more likely to be less healthy. And there is a good reason why I agree with that.
Well, there are a lot of reasons. And one of the main reason is food. Every day some new dishes are invented around the world, and there are hundreds of people out there waiting to taste them out. But asking how are these food actually made might bring some results on what are the disadvantages and the reason we should not eat.

• You shall not start your first supporting paragraph with “well”. This is too informal.
• reasons
• how these foods are actually made – study the structure of noun clauses.
• what the disadvantages are – the structure of noun clauses

Fast food is one of the biggest and the main reason people might be less healthy in the future. Hamburgers seem tasty, but how much oil is used in there and what is the effect on our body is one of the main reasons no one cares about. Your body needs good health from inside of your body and from the outside look, both of them.

• main reasons
• in them
• its effect
• are some of the main reasons – the subject is plural and not singular.

Unfortunately, people already think eating Hamburgers might bring muscles as it contains a lot of meats and gives them some good outer look, but won’t worry cholesterol in their body is giving some major effect which is not really keeping them healthy.

• hamburgers
• they contain
• meat
• gives –> give
• but won’t worry ???

Another reason is that the future is finding new methods for humans in creating something different in an artificial way rather than using natural substances. Using Injection, plastics and etc. to make the food look or taste better won’t keep people healthy in the future.

• injections
• and etc. –> etc.
• won’t –> will not – Do not use contractions in your essay.

I personally recommend eating homemade food which is natural and harmless for your body which might keep you healthy long enough than those out there who are attracted more to fast foods.

• Start your conclusion with a good concluding conjunction.
• Don’t use 2 “which”s right after each other.
• long –> longer than – This structure is ungrammatical.
• fast food

Assessment

• Band score = 5 of 9
•  Analysis:
  • Your introductory paragraph is far too short. It lacks the background statement that gives an overview of the essay question.
• Cohesion and Cohesion (12% of 25%)
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy (13% of 25%)
• Lexical Resources (13% of 25%)
• Task Achievement (13% of 25%)
  • Your first body paragraph starts in an ambiguous and unclear way.
• Spelling: Good
• Punctuation: Good
• Word Count: “272” Excellent

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