Artificial Intelligence | An IELTS Essay Sample

Artificial Intelligence | An IELTS Essay Sample

Artificial Intelligence | An IELTS Essay Sample

Artificial Intelligence | IELTS Writing Task 2

• Your essay should include at least 250 words.
• You should spend approximately 40 minutes on this task.
• In this task, your ability to Respond: Verb to a topic, generate relevant ideas, outline problems and offer solutions to the problems based on your experience and reasoning is measured.

Topic

It is alleged that remarkable advancements in artificial intelligence might cause mass unemployment in the near future as human resources will be replaced by machines that can function faster and with relatively fewer flaws. To what extent do you concur with this statement? You might offer solutions as well.

The Essayist: Arash

Nowadays, most of activities will have done simply because of the progress of technologies and these improvements help us to do our complicated works which are the perfect way to manage dozen of things in a second. Artificial intelligence can recognize many difficult things as humans.

In today’s world, many people consider these improvements as a hinder for themselves and they are really worried about their future’s work because employers can use computers to do their works automatically instead of employing many employees. In addition, employers are able to do many sophisticated works with artificial intelligence faster than human resources and with fewer faults.

In my opinion, machines can help humans to protect their mortal life to keep them safe from many dangerous situations such as accidents or even in an operation. Furthermore, it could be useful to increase the level of security of our personal information which is very important for us. For instance, it can recognize gestures to unlock our mobiles, computers, etc. Last but not least, it is used by airlines in order to produce a flight simulator to train future pilots and without this technology, it is impossible to train them professionally.

To conclude, although, the number of human resources that will replace with machines is increasing at a considerable pace, this kind of technology is very helpful for the near future, however, I would like to mention that I completely agree with this statement and I think it is a good way to control machines by human resources.

Error Correction:

• The number of words used in your essay: “253” Good!
  
• In your introductory paragraph, you have not made it clear whether you agree with the topic sentence or not, that is, whether you believe that artificial intelligence (AI) would make a replacement for human resources or not.
• Actually, your second paragraph sounds more like the introductory paragraph.
• Paragraph 1, Line 1: You should not use a perfect future tense here (will + have + pp)
  
• Paragraph 1, Line 2: dozens of …
• Paragraph 1, Line 3: as humans :arrow: In the topic, it has been sated that computers are more functional than humans, yet here you have equalized them.
• Paragraph 2, Line 1: It’s better not to start your second paragraph as your supporting paragraph with “in today’s world”. Generally, this phrase is used in introductory paragraphs.
• Paragraph 2, Line 1: when using ‘consider’, do not use ‘as’.
• Paragraph 2, Line 1: consider sth a hindrance to sth
• Paragraph 2, Line 3: the employers, as you have talked about them before.
• Paragraph 3, Line 1: by keeping them safe …
• Paragraph 3, Line 2: surgical operation (ambiguous)
• Paragraph 3, Line 3: mobile is British English. You must be consistent. So, use cellphones or cellular phones.
• Paragraph 4, Line 1: Do not use a comma after ‘although’.
• Paragraph 4, Line 2: that will be replaced with … (passive voice)
• Paragraph 4, Line 2: in the near future
• It seems you have written the essay within the time limit and without referring to any reference sources. It’s so original and based on your own competency. I appreciate your integrity.
• You have enumerated the advantages and functions of artificial intelligence. This is not closely relevant to the topic.
• Choice of Words (Diction): Average
  
• Coherence: Average
  
• Cohesion: Average
  
• Grammar: Not good
  
• Reasoning: Not good
  • You have not clearly stated why human resources will be replaced by machines.