IELTS Task 2: Aging Population – Pros and Cons

In this IELTS Task 2 essay topic, we delve into the growing trend of aging populations across various countries. The essay asks whether the benefits of an increasing proportion of older people outweigh the drawbacks, encouraging students to explore both sides of the argument and present their own opinions. This exercise will help students develop critical thinking and effective writing skills essential for the IELTS exam.

IELTS Essay Topic on Aging Population

In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Video of IELTS Task 2 on Aging Population

IELTS Essay Task 2 on Aging Population

in many countries, the population of older people is growing. Some believe that older population has negative impacts on society. But, I want to point out the positive impacts of older population in society. First of all, the elder need to take care more. So, health care costs are rising in society. On the other hand, positive impact of this issue is growing in elderly care products and services such as nursing homes or housekeeping services in society. Furthermore, The elder are retiring from their job. So, the government need pensions for retirees by increasing taxes. This problem indicates that aging community imposes job and financial stress on the younger generation. But, older people are more wiser and experienced. Therefore, society need to get older advice on problem-solving and every issues. In conclusion, I would like to notice on beneficial impact of increasing elderly people in society. First, improvements in medical care and treatment surprises us to have more older. Beside, society has a great opportunity to rely on the older’s experience in any fields of life.

Assessment and Scoring Criteria

Thank you for sharing your essay on the topic of the increasing proportion of older people in many countries. Your effort in addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of this trend is commendable. Below, I’ve provided an evaluation of your essay, highlighting areas where you excel and offering suggestions for improvement to help you achieve a higher score in the IELTS writing task.

Content and Ideas

You have covered both positive and negative aspects of an increasing elderly population, which is great. However, your arguments could be more developed. Try to provide specific examples and evidence to support your points.

Organization and Coherence

It’s important to structure your essay into multiple paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, allowing the reader to easily follow your arguments. Typically, an essay should have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. For example, start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a specific point or argument, and conclude with a summary of your main points and restate your position. By organizing your essay this way, you’ll create a clearer and more compelling argument, which will positively impact your overall score.

Language and Grammar

There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Here are some corrections and suggestions:

1. “In many countries, the population of older people is growing.” – This is fine, but it could be more impactful by saying, “In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing significantly.”
2. “Some believe that older population has negative impacts on society.” – It should be “the older population.”
3. “But, I want to point out the positive impacts of older population in society.” – It should be “the older population.” Also, starting a sentence with “But” is generally informal; consider “However, I want to emphasize the positive impacts of the older population on society.”
4. “First of all, the elder need to take care more.” – It should be “First of all, the elderly require more care.”
5. “So, health care costs are rising in society.” – This could be improved to “Therefore, healthcare costs are rising in society.”
6. “On the other hand, positive impact of this issue is growing in elderly care products and services such as nursing homes or housekeeping services in society.” – This could be “On the other hand, there is a growing demand for elderly care products and services, such as nursing homes and housekeeping services, which can positively impact the economy.”
7. “Furthermore, The elder are retiring from their job.” – This should be “Furthermore, the elderly are retiring from their jobs.”
8. “So, the government need pensions for retirees by increasing taxes.” – This could be “Thus, the government needs to provide pensions for retirees, which may require increasing taxes.”
9. “This problem indicates that aging community imposes job and financial stress on the younger generation.” – This should be “This issue indicates that an aging community imposes job and financial stress on the younger generation.”
10. “But, older people are more wiser and experienced.” – This should be “However, older people are wiser and more experienced.”
11. “Therefore, society need to get older advice on problem-solving and every issues.” – This should be “Therefore, society can benefit from the wisdom and experience of older individuals in problem-solving and various issues.”
12. “In conclusion, I would like to notice on beneficial impact of increasing elderly people in society.” – This should be “In conclusion, I would like to highlight the beneficial impact of an increasing elderly population on society.”
13. “First, improvements in medical care and treatment surprises us to have more older.” – This should be “Firstly, improvements in medical care and treatment mean that more people are living longer.”
14. “Beside, society has a great opportunity to rely on the older’s experience in any fields of life.” – This should be “Additionally, society has a great opportunity to rely on the experience of the elderly in various fields of life.”

Score

Based on the IELTS criteria, I would give your essay a score of 5.5. Your essay covers the task and presents some relevant ideas, but there are several issues with grammar, coherence, and the development of ideas that need to be addressed.