IELTS Essay on Public Figures
IELTS Essay on Public Figures
Topic
Celebrities and superstars could turn into role models and be idolized by the young generation. Some people believe that these public figures should always exhibit good and acceptable behavior in public places.
Discuss your opinion and give reasons for your claim.
IELTS Candidate: Nasim
I totally agree that celebrities and superstars consciously or unconsciously affecting the young generation. In the last decade because of the popularity of using the social media for instance Instagram and Facebook, celebrities became bolder and they are sharing their daily lives so obviously they reveal as role models.
- Your introductory paragraph lacks any background statement.
- Your introductory paragraph does not refer to the essay question. The question is about “public places”, not the internet and social media.
As a matter of fact some of them they have not good personality and personal life or sometime they are appear inappropriate in public.
- As a matter of fact,
- sometimes
- they appear
We can not deny the young generation idolize, for sure the superstars should always exhibit good acceptable behavior in public places because mostly the teenagers are following them or even copying them in their real life.
- cannot
- idolize who? – Idolize is a transitive verb.
I think the worst part is when some of the celebrities get addicted or commit suicide, certainly it will have influence on the young generation and maybe it turns to one of the big issue for their families and themselves.
- It’s better to use an adverb or conjunction at the beginning of your concluding paragraph.
- In your concluding paragraph, do not mention something new (e.g. addiction).
- turns into / turns out to be
Assessment
- Band score = 4 of 9
- Analysis:
- Cohesion and Cohesion (11% of 25%)
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (13% of 25%)
- Lexical Resources (14% of 25%)
- Task Achievement (16% of 25%)
- Spelling: Good
- Punctuation: Poor
- Word Count: “149” Quite an insufficient number of words!
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