Couch Potato | An IELTS Essay Sample

Couch Potato | An IELTS Essay Sample

Couch Potato | An IELTS Essay Sample

Topic

Psychologists warn that, these days, people, particularly the young, spend a great deal of time watching television, which could cause so much physical or mental harm.

To what extent do you agree with this statement? Please elaborate on your opinion and give reasons.

The Essayist: Sasan

It goes without saying that “the young are the future”. So, the lifestyle of young people should be evaluated by psychologists in every society. Unfortunately, these days the young follow a sedentary lifestyle and they spend most of their time on TV. I personally believe that this one-eyed monster could have irreparable harm to the young generation.

To start with, if the young paid attention to the TV more than enough they could be affected negatively. First of all, it is injurious to their health because when people take up a huge amount of time with sitting in front the set, they put up more weight and get obese which is so detrimental to their health. Also, most of the time, TV programs make people indolent and the audiences just follow a special program and never think about anything. In doing so, some opportunistic people could take advantage of easy preys who can be influenced easily by some special programs.

Error Correction:

• The entire essay contains 160 words, which is far below the average number of words, i.e. approximately 250.
• Paragraph 1, Line 2: spend most of their time watching TV
• Paragraph 1, Line 3: this one-eyed monster could do / cause / inflict harm to the young generation
• Paragraph 2, Line 1: I wonder why you have used the structure of conditional sentence Type 2? I think you should have used conditional sentence Type 1 because it is not an imaginary situation. (paid :arrow: pay)
• Paragraph 2, Line 2: take up a huge amount of time, sitting in front of the set.
  • Take up with has a different meaning. It means to meet, make friends, get together, etc. which does not fit in the context.
• Paragraph 2, Line 2: put ON weight
• Paragraph 2, Line 2: It’s better to say: become obese, which is more formal.
• Paragraph 2, Line 3: audience (singular)
• Paragraph 2, Line 4: the easy preys (use it in a definite mode as we know whom you are talking about.)
• Paragraph 2, Line 4: … and never think about anything else. (it’s better to add “else” as they are already thinking about the program they are watching)