IELTS Essay on Superstars
IELTS Essay on Superstars
Topic
Celebrities and superstars could turn into role models and be idolized by the young generation. Some people believe that these public figures should always exhibit good and acceptable behavior in public places.
Discuss your opinion and give reasons for your claim.
IELTS Candidate: Armaghan Gh
Celebrities are as a influencer persons in evry country. Many poeple think that these famous people should exhibit good behaviors and moral points, others disagree with this statement. In my opinion celebrities should behave in a moral way so that others can learn from them because of two main reasons.
- every
- people
- In my opinion,
- You were supposed to briefly mention the 2 reasons in your introductory paragraph.
First of all, I think there are some people who movies and series are part and parcel in their life specialy young people or teenagers, they pursue celebrities and famous people also social media more exposure to this point. On the other sight we can point that celebrities are the pioneers in every society and many people imitate their attituds also young people inspire of their favourit celebrities. However it’s not on purpose.
- especially
- … teenagers. They …
- On the other side,
- point out
- attitudes
- are inspired by
- favorite
- it is – Do not use contractions in your essay.
Second, in every country celebrities are the idol of many people, to sum up they shows our culture and civilization in their behaviors, I recall I went to an exhibition where some of celebrities and famous people gather together there and there were a few of international journalist,they were recording of our celebrities and had interview with them I think it the most important reason thet they have to have good mannner.
- in every country,
- idols
- show
- … people. To sum up, – You cannot come to a conclusion at the start of this paragraph.
- some celebrities
- gathered
- “there” should be omitted because you have used “where”.
- there were a few international journalists. They
- recording :arrow: videotaping / taking photos of
- “of” should be omitted.
- them.
- manners.
In conclusion, celebrities and famous people are leading persons in every country and it might be the other countries knows and sees them and as they can influence in their country’s people also they can be influencer in the other countries person because of that they have to have good and moral behavior.
- know and see
- influence the people in their countries
- show / exhibit
Assessment
- Band score = 3.5 of 9
- Analysis:
- Cohesion and Cohesion (9% of 25%)
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy (10% of 25%)
- Lexical Resources (13% of 25%)
- Task Achievement (17% of 25%)
- Spelling: Below average
- Punctuation: Poor
- Word Count: “247” Insufficient number of words! – minimum requirement: 250 words
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