IELTS essay on internet addiction with full essay and essay question submitted to us by our members as IELTS candidates. Study this IELTS essay and ask us any question you might have. If you are a member, you can also submit your essays to us for deep analysis.
IELTS question on internet addiction
Some people believe that social media these days are doing more harm than good, especially by causing internet addiction among teenagers and young generation. Some others think that life without social media is almost impossible.
What is your point of view about social media? Provide reasons to support your claim.
IELTS essay on internet addiction
I myself, find both social media and internet very useful. Not to be addicted to it but I really use them in everyday life like chatting my friends and my family, studying, learning and searching about everything I want and so on.
- chatting with
- searching for
But we should be very careful of not putting so much time on it. Blink of an eye , and you find yourself surfing in the internet much more you needed and you have wasted so much time.
- it –> them
- much more than
So social media especially programs such as Instagram, Facebook , Tweeter, Youtube and so on has a really good potential to be addicted to.
- YouTube
- have
- highly addictive
Some programs has added a new option to manage the time you are putting on to that specific program.
- have
- This part should be omitted due to being redundant.
Like in Instagram you yourself can set a reminder and after that specific amount of time, you will get a reminder, which I’ve found it interesting.
- Like –> For instance, for example
- Do not use contractions in your essay.
- “it” should be deleted.
But I also think that social media programs also have lots of both physically and mentally disadvantages.
- This “but” doesn’t show any contrast. You’re still focusing on the disadvantages in the new paragraph.
- 2 “also”s in succession?
- physical and mental disadvantages
Looking at the bright screen of your phone or PC for a long time nonstop come along with harms your eyes.
- looking … comes (agreement)
- Harm is uncountable.
- Does much harm to your eyes
Lots of people use their phone in a bad and harmful position which can hart their necks and backs.
- Do not overuse informal phrases like “lots of”.
- phones
- hurt
And to mention mental disadvantage of social media_ which is countless and I’m more worried about_ is a long topic to discuss. So I’m going to explain it briefly and instructively as possible.
- disadvantages
- which are
- Do not use underlines.
- as briefly and instructively as possible
Great amount of teenagers and young generation are in access of internet and social media, and affected by their friends and engaging surface of Instagram, they’re going to install it as soon as possible.
- A great amount of / a great deal of
- have access to the internet
- and engaging surface of Instagram –> I did not understand this part??
Then they’re going face with a huge public and private pages of actual people who seem to be in their best look and happiest period of their lives. Everything is really fine to famous bloggers and influencers but not to unsuspecting teenagers.
- they are going to face
- numerous public and private pages
- Fair adjective you have used!
Their going to think that they are not good enough and their not pretty enough.
- they are
More to be amused and entertained ,most of them feel depressed after a while.
- Not only are they amused or entertained, but also most of them could be depressed …
So we should be really careful with ourselves , our precious time and our friends.
- Your conclusion is so abrupt and too short.
Analysis and scoring
- Analysis
- There are too many short paragraphs without much unity.
- This type of essay should be argumentative, which is not the case here.
- You NEED to use more advanced and formal vocabulary. I encourage you to start with our vocabulary categories like 504 Words, then 1100 Words on your own.
- Cohesion and coherence: 10 of 25%
- You need to take English conjunctions more seriously.
- Grammatical range and accuracy: 8 of 25%
- Lexical resources: 10 of 25%
- Task achievement: 8 of 25%
- You have not specified your position to the question clearly. Your topic sentence in your first paragraph is not definitive.
- Spelling: Above average
- Punctuation: You need to use more punctuation marks.
- Word count: “359” Excellent
- Band score: 4 of 9
Related tags and keywords
- internet
- social media
- technology
- YouTube
Use the comment form below and ask any question you might have about this essay and its assessment.
Hello Dr.Hariri ,
about the writing points, I wanted to ask a question. I didn’t get this part of your analysis:
((You have not specified your position to the question clearly. Your topic sentence in your first paragraph is not definitive.))
I think that I have specified my position.
I myself, find both social media and internet very useful. Not to be addicted to it but I really use them in everyday life like chatting my friends and my family, studying, learning and searching about everything I want and so on.
—
In your introductory paragraph, there are some errors that have complicated your introduction:
1. You have not repeated the keywords from the essay question. Repetition of keywords is a crucial factor in essay writing. Instead, you’re writing about the usefulness of the internet, which is implied keywords (do harm or do good).
2. To have more information about topic sentence, you might like to read this page:
https://www.lelb.net/topic-sentence-features-academic-articles/
3. The incorrect use of conjunctions in your first paragraph has made it rather confusing. For example:
I myself, find both social media and internet very useful. Not to be addicted to it but I really use them in everyday life
This part is somehow ambiguous and ungrammatical, and therefore misleading, especially when you use “but” to show contrast, while you are on the same side about the usefulness of the internet.
4. Before your topic sentence, you need to supply the reader with a kind of general background about the topic being discussed. You have brusquely referred to the central idea without repeating the keywords, hence making the paragraph somehow confusing.
Yeah, I have gotten the point now.
Thanks.
You’re very welcome.